we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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