you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
