His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
