You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
