Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
