I hate your face
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
