i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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