Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
