I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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