this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
