it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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