he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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