If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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