Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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