There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize