So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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