Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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