apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
