Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We need a shit load of segways right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
