She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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