Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
