Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
