Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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