Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
