She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
