yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I just sharted jello shots
he's single and there are thong briefs.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
