OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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