it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
