I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
