I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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