somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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