I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
