And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
vagina is talking i cant
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
