Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
