Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you never un-have a 4some
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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