man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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