good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
