We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
