i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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