Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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