my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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