Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
