i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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