I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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