Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
