So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
