Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
