Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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