He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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