Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
