so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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