So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
