apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize