I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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