i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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