how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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