I just saw a hot homeless man
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
