so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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