i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
