I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize