dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
