I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
