The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
