yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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