i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
