I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
