I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
