I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just tell him i said nine months
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
